I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
