Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
