Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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