that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
