friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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