woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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