When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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