Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
