also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize