my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
