It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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