Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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