Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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