I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
