you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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