i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
