i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
