Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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