i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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