Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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