my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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