I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
