Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
