There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
