He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
how does that bad decision feel?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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