i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize