I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
