i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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