i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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