White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize