if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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