Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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