He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
