there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
