yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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