Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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