My room smells like vodka and shame
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
