I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
