we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
