Porn is love you can see.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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