alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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