You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
