We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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