u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
