last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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