Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize