the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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