Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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