I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
