I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
