If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
