Need sex. Gaining weight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
worst night to have a conscience
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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