Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need a beard to bite.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
