Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
