the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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