you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
