Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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