Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
