Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
