You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
