Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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