you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize