does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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