My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
