I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
