I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
