True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
