As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Randomize
