i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
