We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize