You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
