My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
