remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's the barista slut.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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