There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I just sharted jello shots
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
