I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
