wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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