Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
