Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize