Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
