how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
