No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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