well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
