i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
