No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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