who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
