I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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