So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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