My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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