hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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