Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
