so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
