Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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