How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
