Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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