rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
