Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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