I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
