remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize