I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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