so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
