Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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