All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
