my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize