we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
