we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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