I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
